a tragic #accident; #NatureVsNurture

In 2017 I was in nothing less than a miraculously terrible situation; a car accident - in a car colliding with (I assume) trees at over 80, possibly 90 miles per hour.  This accident was my own fault to some degree; but, the fact is - an entire family unit (mother, father, son, daughter, daughter) are in my direct path in the road... my last memory is of their faces; it didn't take much thinking to avoid hitting them... although I'm an atheist, I'm not capable of killing a group of people to save myself in that situation.

There was enough information that the accident was not my fault; enough so, for the insurance company to cover the price of the car and then drop me from their policy.

This is a story told in parts across many years and many thousands of posts - with mixed context in the totality of the story.

I was wearing my seatbelt, and not ejected.

Although I seem to have a dream like memory of walking on the interstate and someone yelling at me to lay down, a person that appeared to be a large man in a rescue unit outfit ... oddly specific for a vague dream, but that is all I can say it was.  The implications, once the car came to rest, I released my seatbelt and walked away from the accident.  I was never told where or how I was found.

I woke up three days later in the hospital, and released with roughly a clean bill of health.  The only thing they noticed was a fractured bone in my neck - I lovingly exaggerate and call it a broken neck.

I had no primary care doctor, nor did I realize what this meant.  I immediately searched for a doctor, explaining I had just been in a serious accident and needed a primary care doctor urgently... you would think this would help matters; but in fact, it seemed to cause as many problems - I will only say it is perhaps common for doctors to encounter liars with outrageous stories, and this hurt an honest person.

I think it was at least a month and a half before I even consulted with a doctor about my situation.

In that time I could barely walk due to some issue with an undiagnosed concussion, and managing an astronomical amount of pain with no medical advice or support... in fact, while attempting to get it, I was placed into more than a few mental hospitals; complicating the search and focus of the primary care doctor I finally found.

Needless to say; there was very little concern of the extreme forces that acted on my body - more importantly my mind - and any scans involving my brain took months beyond months to even be taken.

I never seemed to have more than a ten minute discussion with any given doctor - ones that I would think should find problems, give a clean bill of health; and another group that just as quickly gives me a catastrophic bill of health, strangely unrelated (in their minds).

There's nothing like losing touch with reality - when you have the unique knowledge of reality - and you listen to those who are responding to your description of it.

To this day I struggle for consistent medical care, and not due to my fault; I have my third new primary care doctor in a year, due to no fault of my own.  How then, can anyone understand this vast story - or verify it - as even a sane story... the idea of my insanity just grows; that I'm just an untreated person in a distant disconnected reality.

There is nothing left to explain; although I'm sure you can find piles of examples of me purposely losing my mind... as I was being driven insane (see above).

Nature vs Nurture

Note: an advancement to this story in a future post.